Today’s post is going to be some real life. Real, raw, unfiltered life.
Being in my twenties gives me a sense of deja vu. I feel like I’ve been here before, struggling to fit in and make friends…oh wait. I have been here before. It was in junior high, and I couldn’t find my way. I feel that today I am in a very similar situation, except without braces, about a foot taller, and also (thankfully) fully equipped with knowledge of how to apply mascara in desperate situations.
One day a coworker straight up told me, “You don’t fit in here! You belong somewhere Earthy and outside, like Austin.” Although she used a nice tone of voice and many people would perceive this as “wow how rude”- I felt in that moment that I could exhale. Here I was in a town that is completely strange to me, living in a state that I would have never hand-picked for myself, sitting at a bright orange table in a taco fast food joint trying to convince myself that I was satisfied by the dry iceberg lettuce that I was chasing down with water amongst coworkers that read me like a book. I was trying SO HARD to just blend…just be my normal, nice self…and even that wasn’t enough. Homegirl was right; I don’t belong here, and that’s okay. I belong somewhere!
While this may sound like a rager of a pity party; it’s not. I’m really looking forward to finding the place, the job, the people, wherever that is, that I do belong to, and I hope they’re ready for me. Change is hard, and often we forget to discuss the gaps that get us to our destination. If there’s anything you get from my blog, I hope you know that you have found a very genuine, raw, unfiltered, vulnerable, girlboss that also stunt doubles for the struggle bus. Sometimes I’m rockin’ and rollin’ and other times I’m drinking beer for breakfast only because I ate all of the cookie dough the night before.
But if we don’t take time to talk through our struggles with our community, then we are wasting our time pretending that everything is alright. Life is peaks and valleys, people…and normally it’s the climb that makes it all worth it. But how do we help people up if we don’t acknowledge the beautiful (ugly?) reality of our struggle?
So here I am, acknowledging my struggle. I don’t fit in here, in this town. I’ve lived here for ten months, and I don’t have any close friends (yet)…but I’m even closer with my hometown friends because they’re truly the best. I just quit a job that I didn’t enjoy because sometimes people, as much as we love them, just suck so hard. I cried while I sat in line to get the oil in my car changed today. Today may look like a royal shitshow, but I’m going to make the most of the time while I am here, because bad days are all part of a really great life.
If you’re struggling to fit in wherever you are in life, know that you have a solidarity sister (it’s ya girl! hayyyy!). Also recognize that so much of life is fleeting, ever-changing. Take note of where you are, because better things are coming. If you are in a situation that feels all wrong to you, honor yourself with your decisions. Leave the job, ditch the boyfriend, buy a new puppy. Fuel your soul. You’re so much more than your current situation, and I can’t wait to see where you find your place.